If I could talk to 16-year-old me, I’d tell her not to get that haircut, and more important things…

I have always heard people change the most between ages 16 and 25. I wasn’t so sure about this until I looked at my MySpace page yesterday and realized how absolutely stupid I was just a few years ago. (I, Caroline, committed the duck-face crime… I am ashamed…)

Even though I had to shake my head at my 16-year-old self, I was happy to realize how far I’ve come. I’ve learned some very valuable lessons over the past few years, and if I could go back and give myself some tips, these are the bits of wisdom I would pass on… to myself…

Maybe they’ll be of some use to you, as well.

1. Find what makes you happy. Whether it’s writing, singing, playing an instrument, doing yoga, taking walks, or whatever, go find it. And, don’t give up until you do.

2. Don’t be afraid to fail. Just because something doesn’t work out exactly the way you planned does NOT mean things won’t turn out perfectly. Give everything your best shot, and know that your friends and family will love and support you, no matter what.

3. Accept your weirdness. Ok, so you’re not like other folks. But, the same things that make you strange are the things that make you special. Embrace them and use them.

4. Listen to the people who love you. You may think you know what’s best, but maybe you could avoid some serious heartache if you would trust the people who care about you and take their advice. Your parents are a lot smarter than you’d like to admit. (They’re actually pretty awesome.)

5. Keep a positive attitude. I’ll go ahead and say it, things are going to get a little rough. You’ll face some serious obstacles, and sometimes you’ll just want to give up. But, you can’t. You’re stronger than you think, so keep pushing through, and keep a smile on your face. Things will get better.

6. Laugh every chance you get. Don’t take yourself too seriously, or you’ll drive yourself crazy. Laugh during the good times, and laugh at the irony in the bad. You’ll end up with some great stories, either way.

7. Be kind.This one may seem like common sense, but we all forget the importance of kindness once in a while. You never know when one small act of kindness will make all the difference.

8. Trust your gut. Think of intuition as your super power. If you have a bad feeling about something, RUN.

9. Appreciate the people in your life. Never forget how lucky you are to have special people who care for you. Also realize that not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever. Love them while they are here, and remember them fondly when your paths go their separate ways.

10. Nobody can control your happiness but YOU.  You don’t need a guy, or anyone else, to complete you. You are strong and independent, and you determine your own level of happiness.

I may not be the most wise person on the planet, but I am constantly looking for opportunities to learn. These are just a few of the many valuable lessons life has taught me so far, and I’m learning more every day.

Now for the fun part! Leave a comment with a lesson life has taught YOU. You never know, maybe it is exactly what someone needs to hear. Thanks for reading!

My Weird Holiday

     This year I am adding a new holiday to my calendar, and I would love for you to celebrate with me! It’s not really a “normal” thing to celebrate, but it’s definitely a huge milestone for me.

   Exactly a year ago from tomorrow, I started the weirdest, scarriest, and most life-changing time in my 21 years of life… My battle with Guillian Barre Syndrome.

   For those of you who don’t know, GBS is a rare malfunction in the body that makes the immune system attack the nervous system, causing temporary paralysis. (Yep, you read right. Paralysis. As in, I couldnt move or feel most of my body. Weird, right?) Doctors don’t really know what causes this, or how to cure it, but they have found a few successful ways to treat it.

     I didn’t just wake up unable to move, though. Over a period of about a week and a half, I started noticing pain in my jaw, eyes, and other strange places I had never experienced pain before. I couldn’t eat, sleep, go anywhere, or do anything at all for myself. I was also going through a difficult breakup, so I wondered if the emotional stress was causing all of this. I visited several different doctors, tried every medication they could think to give me, and eventually had to tap out and call my mommy.

     After she brought me home, I visited a few more doctors. I heard everything from a sinus infection to stress-induced helplessness. (That one really made me mad, because by this time, I KNEW something was really wrong.) I couldn’t sleep for more than an hour at a time because of the pins-and-needles feeling in my legs (You know, the one when your hand falls asleep? Imagine that ALL OVER your lower half. That’s the only comparison I have been able to come up with.) I couldn’t drink anything because of a strange coughing I couldn’t seem to explain to anybody, and after a few more days of constant pain and complaining, my family doctor suggested I visit Trinity Hospital in Birmingham.

     Dad didn’t think twice. He loaded me up in his truck (He practically had to lift me like a sack of potatoes) and we went straight to the Trinity ER.

     The next few days are kind of a blur to me. Nurses and doctors rushing in and out, pokes and prods, shock tests, blood tests and a spinal tap, and the gradual weakening of the functioning muscles I had left. But, one thing was constant: my parents. They NEVER left. Even though they only had those  uncomfortable fold-out chairs to sleep on, they stayed with me every night the nurses would let them. They mashed up my food and fed me every bite, bathed me, dressed me, picked me up out of bed EVERY time I had to use the bathroom (which was a LOT, since I had IV fluid pumping through me 24/7), braided my hair, and everything else I could possibly need. I was completely dependent on them and the amazing nurses at Trinity.

     Getting a diagnosis seems like a scary thing, but for me, it was such a relief. After days of continuous testing and desperately waiting for an answer, I finally got one. (The best part was hearing I wasn’t just going crazy.) I was diagnosed with Guillian Barre, and the doctors had a plan: 5 sessions of plasma exchange treatment (which basically means running ALL of my blood through a machine that separates the plasma, and replaces it with either someone else’s plasma or the artificial stuff.)

     “But, how did they take all your blood out?” you may ask. Well, curious readers, they inserted what they called a pick-line, which is pretty much a HUGE IV in your jugular vein on the right side of your neck. Unfortunately, they need patients to be responsive during this procedure, meaning I was awake…

     That was definitely a low point for me… I had never been that scared, or felt that much pain and not been able to do anything about it. I didn’t even want to speak to anyone for several hours…

      After that day, I started my plasma exchange treatments, and even though there were some moments I wasn’t sure they were working (I still couldn’t move my face at all) that was the beginning of my upswing. My friends and family were able to visit. (I can’t explain how much every visit meant to me. I may not have been able to show it, but I was smiling the whole time.) Soon, I was beginning speech, physical, and occupational therapy, allowed to drink liquids again (I couldn’t for several days because of paralysis in my esophagus) and FINALLY sent home.

   I continued my physical therapy at home (Luckily, my friend Heath is a physical therapist, and helped me get back on my feet, literally.) I quickly started to try to get out of the house with any excuse I could find. (My entire family was involved in NACC’s Wizard of Oz, so I started tagging along.) And, by the summer, I was able to live on my own and start summer classes at the University of Alabama.

   Some people have lingering numbness or weakness for years following GBS, and some people are not lucky enough to survive it. But, a year after my jump over this weird hurtle, I can joyfully report NO noticeable lingering effects.

     I have so many people to thank for my speedy and complete recovery. My family, friends, the Trinity staff, my church family, and SO many more… I love you all so much. I remember every visit, card, call, text, and gift, and I appreciate them all more than I can express. I’m also thankful for all the prayers and positive thoughts that were sent my way.

     So, to wrap this thing up, I am celebrating February 16th every year from now on. And, I hope you will join me! Take this day to celebrate life and love, as they are the most valuable things on Earth.

 

The only good thing about Valentines Day is the ridiculous amount of candy… I think…

     Hearts, glitter, flowers, every shade of pink imaginable, and candy: all things I absolutely LOVE. But, throw them all in a big blender with romantic comedies and cliches, and what do you have?

Valentines Day…

     I’m a hopeless romantic, despite my pessimism in my own love life (or lack thereof), so don’t get me wrong. But, I HATE this holiday. I have been dreading it since New Years Eve, and finally, it is here. (For the record, I don’t hate it because I’m a bitter single person. I hate it because it gives people unrealistic expectations about love. Romance is NOT found in a Hallmark card.)

     BUT, I’ve decided to attempt to have a positive attitude about being single on this national day of love and money-spending.

     Yes, it is a little depressing that I will have to buy my own heart-shaped box of candy, but I have lots of positive things to focus on.

      I’m getting a jumpstart on the festivities by going back to Sand Mountain to see my favorite people in the world: my family. (My mom, sister, and I are having a girls’ night!) And, I think Chatt Town is calling me and the old crew.

      Three of my girlfriends invited me over for V-tines dinner (I even got a REAL invitation! That was one of my favorite things to receive as a kid, so holding an actual invitation really made me smile.) Also, I plan to grab a bottle of strawberry champagne and finally force Meg to watch my favorite movie, (500) Days of Summer. (It’s perfect for the occasion!)

     See, that doesn’t sound too shabby, does it? Actually, I think it sounds like a pretty great day. And, I wouldn’t be taking the time to appreciate the people I love if it weren’t for this stupid holiday… So, I guess it isn’t as dumb as I thought…

    Whether you have a Valentine this Tuesday or not, take a few minutes to let the people you care about know how you feel. (You don’t have to send a dozen long-stem roses. Get creative!) And, if you’re looking for a Valentines Day challenge, try doing something nice for someone you don’t even know. (Help someone with their groceries, donate to a charity, anything!)

Just spread the LOVE!

New Life Resolution

Question: Are you in love with life? Are you satisfied with where you are on your journey? As a college student (with a SLIGHT tendency to overanalyze), I ask myself this tough question often. (I’m really not sure if that’s “normal,” but not much about me is.)
Sometimes it is easy to answer. “Of course I love my life! I have everything I need. A loving and supportive family, friends who understand and encourage me, and enough hobbies to entertain my mind for eternity. Yea! This is great!” (Then, I give myself a mental high-five.)
Other times, I’m not quite so optimistic. Worry, restlessness, and even loneliness creep in and leave me wishing I hadn’t asked myself that question today.
Last semester was a rough one for me. My best friends and family were hours away, and I spent a great deal of time alone. Sometimes I felt too depressed to leave the house or even answer a text. It seemed that any guy I had feelings for suddenly developed “commitment issues” when I was brave enough to express my feelings. And, my social anxiety was at an all-time high. (I am now known as the girl who sits in one place at parties… Could be worse though, right?)
But, with the new year came a new resolution: to fall in love with life every day. And I am glad to report it is going swimmingly! (How about that word?) Within the first month of this daily search for a higher level of happiness, I have listened to new music, expanded my collection of hippie clothing and jewelry, talked to new people, and even pushed through a lonely night or two with no problem. (I am also happy to say my standing-on-a-moving-bus skills have greatly improved!) I have been bold and upfront, and I am finding myself a little more each day.
I realize it’s only the beginning of February, but I hope to carry this thing through the year. Actually, I want to do this forever! And, I’m really hoping you will join me. Make every day a day worth remembering. Start today! Try a new food. Listen to a band you’ve never heard of before. Talk to a stranger. Pierce something! Go crazy! And, let me know how it’s going. (I really do care!!)
And, to wrap this thing up, so much love to everyone who put up with my slump in the Fall, and to everyone currently making my every day wonderful. You are my sunshine!
Have a fantastic Friday!

It’s that time of year I have to keep tissues around just in case I see a touching commercial…

     It’s that time of year again. Time for ridiculously corny (yet, admittedly tear-jerking) commercials, delightfully tacky sweaters (which I have been stocking up on for the past couple of months), and long-awaited, over-priced (but worth it) holiday flavored drinks at Starbucks. It is Christmas time, people. And, while I am more than excited about my family’s plans to see STYX (Yes, we are big fans. What of it?) and escape the enbearable cold on a cruise ship, I am just not feeling in the “holiday spirit.”
    With two weeks left in the Fall semester, I’m bracing myself for the skull-caving stress of finals week. (I actually have an essay due tomorrow that I should probably be working on, but…) As the oldest sibling, I am responsible for finding good gifts for my mom, and as a very indecisive person, it is HARD to do. But, I think she appreciates my efforts, at least. Here in T Town, it hasn’t even been “cold” until like… yesterday. And, like many folks, I am battling the Wintertime Blues. This is not the Christmas I remember…
     I had the ideal childhood. My parents gave me the greatest Christmas memories I could ever imagine (Even though I got sick 3 Christmases in a row. That’s just my luck, really.) My holidays were always filled with cream cheese danishes for breakfast (my favorite!), talking dollhouses, Easybake Ovens, American Girl clothes and accessories for my beloved Samantha doll, and more Limited 2 clothes than you could shake a stick at. My sister and I were two of the happiest kids on planet Earth. So, where has that blissful excitement gone?
     Stress, disappointment, lonliness, anxiety: Things we all face at one time or another that may be putting a damper on the Christmas cheer. But,I like to believe that Christmas magic still exists. Maybe it just takes a little more effort to find, and a little suspension of disbelief to experience. Christmas gives everyone a chance to be a kid again, so find a good Christmas movie (Elf is my personal favorite), curl up under your favorite blanket with some hot chocolate (Be patient and let it cool. Remember how mad you were last time you burned your tounge and couldn’t taste anything for a few days?) and let the Christmas joy take over. I’m pretty sure this is a fool-proof plan, but if you need an extra strong dose of holiday happiness, try wearing one of those adult onesies I’ve been seeing. (Of course I’m tempted to buy one!)  Expect a few more Christmas-related blogs in the next few weeks. Thanks for reading! Comments are appreciated! Happy holidays!

Coming up with witty titles is difficult.

I have been slacking on my blogging, yet again. But, I always wait until I have something really great to write about before posting it for you guys. I blogged about this issue last month, and the feedback was amazing. I hope y’all will share your thoughts and ideas after reading this post, as well.
There are some issues that will never (and I mean NEVER) be fully resolved. Most of these issues seem to stem from religion, which I find interesting, considering religion is supposed to bring people together instead of dividing them.
I also find it intriguing that most of us have the idea that religion never changes. For Christians, the Bible is set in stone, never to be changed or questioned. But, even in the relatively short amount of time which it was written, the “rules” of the Bible changed from Old Testament laws to New Testament ways. Why, since then, has there been absolutely no change?
Organized religion is difficult for me to even attempt to conform to because of its rigidity. Laws of religion are the ONLY things that people try to preserve exactly as they are. Our society is constantly changing, and our social norms and technology are evolving every day. Because of these changes, new laws must be created, and old ones that don’t make much sense anymore are done away with. Why would religion not change with us, as well?
In a previous post, I shared my thoughts about homosexuality. (If you haven’t read it, check it out. The comments are the best part.) Since that post, I have made some new observations on the subject. Many “religious folk” stand by the belief that homosexuality is a choice, because being gay is a sin, according to the Bible, and God would not create people with no chance of joining Him in heaven. (There was a time in my life when I believed this, because it is what I was taught. But, maybe my next point will give your brain something to ponder on.)
There are people on our lovely little planet (4% actually) that don’t fit into our black-and-white world of sex and gender differences. They are born with chromosomal errors, which simply means they are genetically different from most folks. Most babies are born with either XX chromosomes (girls) or XY chromosomes (boys). But, those with chromosomal errors (I prefer to call them “chromosomal differences” because “error” implies a mistake, and I do not believe they are mistakes at all) do not have the same chromosomal pairing most of us do.
Some babies are born with XYY chromosomes, known as “supermales,” others are born with XXY, or Klinefelter’s Syndrome, and still others have XO, or Turner’s Syndrome. They are this way from BIRTH. They had no choice in this. And, they battle with physical and psychological sexual and gender differences their entire lives. Why would a loving God create such people if they stood no chance of fitting into strict male or female categories and reaching heaven?
I’m no expert, but I hope my opinions and questions have made the gears in your head start turning. Have a wonderful day!

I think I caught the Smiles!

    I love learning about things in class that directly apply to real life. (I have to explain some psych stuff first, but consider this your dose of knowledge for the day.) Today in Sensation & Perception, we discussed a relatively new discovery. Neurons, which are tiny connections in the brain, are specialized to become active while certain stimuli are present or a specific task is being performed. (Basically, they have special jobs.) BUT, in the past few years, scientists have noticed something very interesting.
     When a monkey is given a peanut, a certain section on the brain becomes very active while the monkey breaks open the peanut and eats it. Oddly, when the monkey WATCHES someone break open and eat a peanut, some of the SAME neurons fire as when the monkey performed the task itself.
     Scientists tried a similar experiment with humans. They had folks look at pictures of people making all kinds of faces and instructed them to copy the expressions. Brain activity in certain areas of the brain increased, as expected. And when the same people were told to simply LOOK at the pictures afterwards, some of the SAME neurons fired as when they were making the faces themselves! These neurons that are active both when a task is carried out AND when the same task is simply observed are called mirror neurons.
     You may be asking what all this has to do with anything. Well, let me explain a little bit further. When the people were shown pictures of happy faces, the “happy area” of their brain actually lit up on the brain scan! They had no reason to become happy, other than seeing a smiling face on the screen. Their brains just released endorphins because they saw someone else being happy.
     SO, to recap, mirror neurons fire when we DO something ourselves, OR we SEE someone do the same task. (There are also neurons that fire when we hear someone do something familiar. Cool, huh?) These neurons may be the reason for empathy, as well as our ability to imitate.
     The reason this is so interesting to me is that it scientifically proves that we really can turn someone’s bad day around with a smile. So remember, smiles really are contagious, so pass one on!

The “They’re all staring at me” Complex: Revealed and Rebutted

I’m not the kind of girl to make decisions too quickly. I’m extremely self-analytical, so I usually think my way out of any sort of commitment. (Consider this an apology to everyone I have ever backed out on. It wasn’t you, it was me.) But recently, I have made a conscious effort to change this. Why is it that I am afraid to do things? Am I afraid I will look stupid?
As a Psych major, I go to class every day to learn about things I already knew, but never really noticed. One of these crazy, subtle, but oh-so-true bits of knowledge is called the spotlight effect. For those who haven’t heard of this, it is that feeling you get when you KNOW everybody is looking at that spot of Taco Bell goodness you dripped on your shirt at lunch.
We ALL have had that feeling at one time or another. I probably get that creeping feeling at least once a day. (If you only knew how awkward I am, that would make perfect sense.) But, you know what? People are probably not staring at you, or whispering behind your back about how stupid you look. Know why? They are too busy thinking the same thing about themselves. We are all so caught up in what other people are thinking about us at any given moment that we can barely live our lives happily.
So, how do we change this? My answer: think logically. Nobody notices that weird growth on your face as much as you think they do. Small children are not running in fear. People have better things to do than sit around and point out every flaw in every person passing by. (And, if people really are out there doing that, they need a new hobby.)
We only have one shot at life, so live it the way you want to. See a new haircut you love but are too afraid to try? Take a deep breath and do it! If it makes you happy, what else matters? Forget what everybody else thinks. Find yourself. Love yourself. And, be yourself.

A big opinion from a small town blogger.

After about a month and a half of fairly sporadic blog posting, I officially consider myself a “blogger”. But, I haven’t really blogged about current events or national news yet. This is about to change. (It may sound boring, but stick with me. I’ll surprise you.)
As a sweet Southern girl raised by a pretty Conservative Christian family, I’ve been taught the ways of the Good Book. But, I somehow ended up on the other end of the political viewpoint spectrum. “Live and let live,” I always say. (Honestly, I feel like Jesus would have said this, too.) This drives my poor mother crazy. (We won’t even START with my grandmothers.) But, I stand firm by my liberal opinions.
Now that you have a little background info, let’s dive into the topic of the day. I’ll give you a hint: it’s super controversial. Too broad? Ok… It involves one of my favorite things: weddings! Figured it out yet?
I’m talking about the brand new same-sex marriage law in New York. (It’s not going to surprise me if most people tune out right there, but I’m hoping a few of you will give my opinion a listen and hit me with your own.)
As you have probably figured out already, I’m totally and completely supportive of this new law. I’m the ultimate romantic, so anything that allows two people who love each other to enjoy the legal benefits we have already given to more traditional couples is perfectly fine with me.
“But, in the Bible, it says…” Yes, I know what it says. I believe the Bible is a beautiful piece of ancient literature that holds timeless wisdom and great advice. But, I also believe you should read each verse critically, taking into consideration the context in which it was written and published. I don’t think God intends for us to believe blindly. He gave us each a mind of our own so we could think about these things for ourselves. (I mean, how many of us have given up pork or shaving because of an Old Testament law?Nobody? Hmm..)
“But Caroline, you crazy liberal, marriage is holy matrimony. HOLY. Did you forget that part?” No, I definitely did not. But, if you think allowing same-sex couples to join in such a “sacred bond” is so terrible, shouldn’t we outlaw divorce? Let’s just get rid of it, shall we? Or better yet, let’s go WAY old school and let guys marry as many women as they want. (Less housework per wife, right? Maybe the sister wives are onto something, here.) But, don’t forget, ladies: if you aren’t virginal when you find a husband, we’re going to have to stone you to death.
We’ve all heard the saying, “You can’t help who you love.” Why would that rule not apply to those who are attracted to others of the same sex? Shouldn’t we just be happy for everyone who has found someone they love? The world is a crazy place, and I really don’t think we have any right to make life any harder than it has to be for others just because their sexual orientation makes some people uncomfortable. Different doesn’t equal bad. I think we forget this sometimes.
Whether you agree with me or not, I hope you can open your mind and heart enough to try to see from someone else’s perspective. It might change your life. I know it changed mine.
I KNOW you have something to say about this, so bring it on. <3

Sorry for the wait…

Keeping up with a blog isn’t quite as easy as I thought it would be… Sometimes it’s difficult to think of something interesting enough to write about. But, as I sat in the living room floor of my nearly-empty apartment last night, it hit me.

Almost exactly a year ago, I was just moving in. The excitement of a new town, new school, and new possibilities almost overwhelmed me. My best friend and I would stay up night after night, too alive with anxiety to sleep. We had so many plans.

But, as I picked out a few songs on my mandolin, the sound echoing through the four empty bedrooms reminded me of what I thought that last night in 834 would be like: nothing at all like this.

The past year has been an interesting one for me. I moved from my tiny hometown on Sand Mountain to the place I’ve always wanted to be, Tuscaloosa. I’ve lived with five different people, and spent some time living alone. I changed minors three times. (Let’s hope this one sticks.) My four-year relationship with my high school sweetheart ended. I beat a life-threatening illness. And, I have greatly expanded my collection of ridiculous life experiences. I’m exhausted just thinking about all of that! (Or maybe I shouldn’t have stayed up so late watching My Strange Addiction.)

What this reflection on the past 12 months reminds me is this: you can’t plan life. It can’t be predicted or pre-determined. Life has a life all its own, and you can either recognize the beauty and excitement in it, or spend every day pouting over broken plans.

Last night, when I was just on the edge of throwing myself a one-woman pity party, I decided to heat up the last Ego in my fridge, listen to some Phoenix, and be happy that I am still enjoying this adventure. I hope you can do the same.